RANDOM

In city to meet theresa at 12

Lidija calls me and says to meet her around 2pm

So i'm catching the train around the loop to meet lidija and jason calls, i ask him where he is, he's on the train running parallel to mine, i can see it 20 metres away across from me.

Jason and I sit on the steps of flinders st and chat, and i see Vanessa across the steps through ten people. She comes over, then Lidija turns up.

ALL MY FRIENDS ARE STALKING ME

random.

It's never over, all my riches for her smiles when i slept so soft against her, oh lover, you should have come over.

So told to be there at 9:30pm, there's a huge line of plastic fantastic people, youngins, oldins, all in about $300 worth of clothes each and oozing pretentiousness out of every pore, i wait fifteen minutes, talk to the people on my left in the line, spaz's, talk to the people on my right, spaz's, finally some decent people join me in the line and have a good chat, at this time i am sure there's more people in the line than the actual club. Sms's are about ten minutes apart and i've been there fourty minutes having rung out the phone eight times and waiting for a call i figure is not going to come.

I jump in the car, crank up some jeff buckley and start heading to the place i know i should be.

There's no line at all, just a friendly bouncer who greets me by my first name as I walk in the door and spot two familiar faces straight away. The bartenders wave to me while smiling and saying my name, i get hugs (not handshakes) from my old friends, we chat like we haven't seen each other in ages..... It has been ages since i've been here. The music is funky, it is chilled, it's not loud, it's not cramped, there's that familiar smell, that familiar atmosphere, the place is filled with a variety of people, culture and ages. A collection of people more varied than any other place you'd find in the city, friendly faces, open hearts, open minds, mouths willing to talk and ears willing to listen. Brains willing to learn and to teach, artists bonding with artists, outcasts with outcasts, the people here could not be more of strangers to eachother, but at the same time they are as close as a "hey how are you" and a friendly smile. I kick back on my chair, breathe it all in, i make friends with the strangers to my left and laugh with my friends on the right. There was no chance of a conversation like this where i started my night, deep, interesting, filling conversation, so thick that you can slow it down to a snail pace and it's still interesting. You hang off every word because every word is interesting, these people have real stories, real experiences and you like hearing every word they say because it's original and comes from a place so true. They are travellers, they are artists, they are musicians, they are activists, they are students, the intellectuals, they are my friends that i've made and friends i could meet.

I walk up to the bar to get a drink and a friend i have been missing walks in and i smile a smile bigger than all that has been smiled the last few weeks, we spot eachother and another hug is shared, we order our dinner, he has no cash but i happily pay because we are brothers in this place, here you never seem to have any friends go, you only seem to have friends arrive. Our numbers increase, from old friends to new friends we sit, we share pizza, we buy eachother beers, we move to the couches, the smiling never stops.

I spot two cute girls walking past and they sit across from us, my friend and i decide they should join us, i walk straight over, introduce myself and they laugh, they smile, they love it, they come over and we begin talking. More soon-to-be-friends arrive and are converted to the fold. An activist, a hippy, an alcoholic ;), my friend, myself, and two cute girls. We chat, we drink, we enjoy ourselves. We move about the couches effortlessly and naturally, conversations flowing every which way, combining, disecting, forming, disipating, but there is never any silence, and there is never an end to the smiles, or the respect. This is so unlike the place i started my night at.

The night winds on and one of the cute girls is suddenly holding my hand as i lead her to a warm lighted corner, we share a kiss with the sweetness of that i-just-met-you-an-hour-ago niceness and she dips her head into my shoulder and i cradle it there. We share the comfort of eachother's lips, and eachother's embrace, strangers only 62 minutes earlier.

I walk back to my couch, and the man who is more the brother than the two i really have has arrived. An important part of my life, an advisor, a friend, a brother i had not seen in months, only had short and abrupt phone conversations filled with frailed attempts to catch up, neither having the time or the money. There is no talk but the feelings are there, feelings are not held back here, they are spread like a warm rug in the winter, covering you, making you safe, warm, protected, loved. It is tough to do this, this is honesty, this is real life, these are the tough people, the people you want by yourside at a crisis, the people you want at your wedding, and at your funeral. One of the girls with my brother blatantly offers to have sex with me in the toilets, i politely pass it up but tell her i'm flattered, we laugh, it is not awkward, this is the place of truth and honesty, sex, drugs, anything is free here. My place to be myself, to be unashamed, to let go, to be free, from all hestitation, all fear, to embrace our own uniqueness, and let our souls shine through unhindered, and proud.

kirk out.

You are

I am flying to perth to see my film premiere at an international film festival on july the fourteenth.

I am flying from perth to sydney on the seventeenth to discuss producing a SIXTY THOUSAND DOLLAR film on one average man becoming a champion.

I really like that word, champion.

I also like this song, Remy Zero - Fair

I am getting a tattoo this week or next week

I am getting fitter every day

I am buying a new set of clothes

I am going to return my car to it's former glory

I am writing and playing good music

I am going to cairns for two weeks in september. This will cost $360 for flights. $350 for accomodation, that's 700 dollars, with $280 spending money, that's going to be $1000. I will save that much up easy. Maybe i'll take vanessa with me.

I am going to do the army boot camp.

I am getting a job at cotton on and will work my ass off

I am getting a job in a bar again and will work my ass off






I am turning 23 this Sunday.






......I am going to start acting like it.

Hmmm

Woke up at 3pm today, sleeping patterns ruined again, how did i fix em last time, i think i just embraced them and nature took it's course, well i need to do a few things today, i'll get on to them now.

clowns to the left of me, jokers to my right, here i am, stuck in the middle with you

self explanatory

Why do people get mad at me

When i try and do the right thing.

break ups in the past

have left me crying in my doona for days,

this time though, ironically because i wasn't enough of a man, i'm going to take it like one, and just get on with life, it took me about 1.5 seconds to get over it, it actually makes it easier when they do it over sms.

blog will be my friend tonight

washing clothes, cleaning room, need to fix things, need to fix things, must fix everything!

have to be clean, healthy, organised, neat.

keep getting distracted, guitar, piano, movies, clothes, dogs, argh, getting somewhere though

room clean...cleaner....one more load of washing, 3am, should go to bed, have to go to rye tomorrow

When a great actor messes up a line on stage

he continues the performance like nothing wrong has happened.

What a Wasted DAY@#$

It's 2:15pm and i've done nothing, i have a list of things to do, but have a bigger list of things i should have done and haven't. I can't even get myself to reply back to my girlfriends cute sms i'm that lazy, what's wrong with me!

Gonna get started, clean my room, do some washing, music first, maybe put on some good jazz, bow ba bada boowww, i gottt sunshinneee, on a clouuddyy daayyy, when it's cooldd outside, i've got thee montth off maay, i guueess, you ssaayy, what can make me feel this waay, mmmyyy giirrllll.

so tomorrow

well today, in about 10 hours, i am going to get a phone call saying i have a job at aussie signs, this will be great news, very very great news :D

kirk out

So funny story...

Theresa has been telling me about her ex's new girl he's been seeing

I go to see my good friend i haven't seen in ages on friday

We're having crepes, so i send a picture to theresa, i'm telling my friend about my new girlfriend hannah and she starts telling me about this boy she's seeing

Theresa msg's back, and her pic pops up on my phone and my friend Georgie goes

"Oh that's his ex gf!"

......

The Majesty Of Music and The Irony Of Having My Father Back

Depression is the ugliest thing on the planet. My father has had it for the better part of a decade. Basically when somebody has depression they cease to exist, they are just a form, a shape, no real meaning or emotion attached to it. So yes i was raised by my mother and hence have some female type thought thingies in my head. I don't really mind though because it's given me a better insight than the majority of guys and is a major factor in me being able to score some absolutely amazing girls. Plus being a macho dickhead gets boring real fast. Anyway back to the point of my dad, he's been sitting on the couch or sleeping his bed in front of the tv for years and nothing would get him up. This has made his wife and my mum quite sad and frustrated with him, the whole family has been. At first we tried to be loving, that didn't work, then we tried to be vigil and that didn't work so then in our frustration we were maybe too nasty, but it's so very very annoying to see a family member who used to be so much just throw in the towel at 55. We'd all lost hope, ironic that we'd all become like him in that sense.

The other day though, we went down to our new house in rye, dad did some gardenning and built a bbq. We were all very impressed. It was even stranger when i woke up the next day to led zeppelin, i came out and dad was rifling through his vinyl records, he has over a hundred, i was again shocked that his room was clean, the garage was in some semblance of order (been messy for nearly two decades) and all the dishes had been done. My dad was doing things, and as he found more vinyl records we chatted and did some more housework and for the first time sine 1994 he was the rock climbing horse riding basketball playing role model dad from the wonder years of my family. As the amazing sound of vinyl hammered out from the speakers the sounds of Hendrix/Zeppelin/Beatles/Rolling Stones/Janis Joplin we did various house stuff that had been neglected for some time and my father who had been under some dark curse (like the king in the second lord of the rings!!!) was suddenly back after ten years of being a complete non event.

The thing that was most amazing and sparked this blog though, is at 9am this morning (dad is never up then) my door is banged open "GET UP TIM GOTTA FIX THE CHAIN SAW". I was SO ANGRY from being awoken but i was flash backed to 1992 and my first days of grade 2 with that same figure in the doorway yelling at me to get up. I was also estatic to the point of those happy tears, my dad is back, and i think it's all to do with the amazing music of the 60's and 70's, and i just wanted to finish with the knowledge that vinyl sounds so much better than cd.


kirk out